Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
