In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
