Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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