HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Randomize
