Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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