I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
