Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Come on in and take your pants off
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