He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize