Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
