I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
