how can u be prego again
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Quick, to the slutcave!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
