i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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