its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
