All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I want to be your penis for a week.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
