a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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