you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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