i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I know her cup size but not her name....
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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