You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
you made out with another girl for some wings
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
