This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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