If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
