they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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