I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
