how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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