Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
