What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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