Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So vagazzling was a success
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
