i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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