My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
