i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he thought i was a dude.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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