There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
