I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
