hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize