dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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