You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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