i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
