hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
