i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
