I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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