omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
