and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
