I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
