Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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