There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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