I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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