dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
