hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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