he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
