also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
