I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
