maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
