After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
