I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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