No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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