if i can run in heels then i can drive
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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