I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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