Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
