I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
