trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
