So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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