The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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