Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
