I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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