Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
