i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
