I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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