what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
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