come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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