sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
