My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
