Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
