she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
