my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
