so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
