Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
