Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
