Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
