I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize